The BBC are asking “Why would a straight couple want a civil partnership?” The question comes in the wake of the coming application by Tom Freeman and Katherine Doyle to register a civil partnership rather than get married. They say they do not want to get married because “they do not want to be part of an institution from which gay and lesbian people are excluded”, but yet they “want to make a lifetime commitment to each other and they’d like greater legal and financial security than that offered by simply cohabiting”.

On the one hand, their reasons for rejecting marriage are technically false*; on the other hand, they do have a valid underlying point as to the provision of legal and financial security outside marriage.

There are actually two different things in question here:

  • The first, legal provision of inheritance and taxation arrangements
  • The second, the joining of man and wife as one flesh according to the institution of God.

Civil Partnerships:

The legal provision of inheritance and taxation arrangements does not need to be linked to questions of morality, gender, tradition or consanguinity. It is purely a civil administrative matter. Therefore, it should be open to all: married, unmarried, same-gender, opposite-gender, brother-sister, father-son, grandparent-grandson, three-signatories, or even ten signatories. There is no need to import any restrictions from marriage into this civil taxation and inheritance affair.

Why should two elderly sisters, perhaps being widowed or having never married, who live together and share their lives together, be forbidden the benefits they would be permitted were they unrelated? Why shouldn’t an elderly person being cared for full-time by his daughter not be able to benefit from tax benefits that would apply if she were his wife? Why should we deny inheritance and taxation arrangements to a Muslim man’s second wife because the marriage law only recognises one of them? All these problems, and many many more, can be solved by removing the restrictions which were needlessly imported from marriage into the civil partnership.

Marriage:

Marriage is actually about God joining two persons as one flesh, not taxation benefits

A marriage is defined by God as his joining together of man and wife as one flesh for as long as they both shall live. This is inescapable and immutable. Further, God has set forth various additional restrictions such as the prohibition of certain forms of consanguinity and the requirement of faithful monogamy. Thus, it is a contract concluded not with the state or by the power of the state, but by God and by the power of God. There is no need to join to this institution of God any form of state registration, taxation or inheritance arrangements – nor indeed should the state be involved in registering such marriages as this is the role of the church.

This proposal would see the deregulation of marriage, such that anyone could perform a marriage, but nobody’s marriage would be recorded by the state. Whether one is seen as validly married will be a matter for the church to determine, just as is the case with baptism. Indeed, it is already the case that some forms of marriage are not accepted as valid by some churches – as such the state registration of marriage is already failing. We do not see the need to maintain a government register or license for baptisms – and there is likewise no need to do so for marriage once the tax and inheritance provisions are moved into a separate civil partnership contract.

Those who wish to have such additions to their marriage should be free to sign an additional civil partnership for these benefits. Indeed, seeing that marriage is a religious affair, and civil partnership a state affair, it should be possible to contract a civil partnership with someone other than the person to whom you are married – if it should seem advantageous to do so. We should not discriminate against married people by restricting their use of the civil partnership tax and inheritance contract.

Conclusion

Let us grant freedom to both civil partnerships and marriage, that both are permitted to be what they are designed to be. One a civil taxation and inheritance arrangement (with no reference to relationships or religion), and the other a divine conjoining of man and wife by God (with no reference to the state or the law).

* The institution of marriage does not exclude ‘gay and lesbian people’; rather it is those who consider themselves ‘gay and lesbian people’ who reject the institution. Marriage does not legally require attraction or loving feelings between man and wife, as much as we dearly hope for them; so there is no impediment to ‘gay and lesbian’ people being married, provided they marry someone of the opposite gender. Remember, the word ‘love’ in the marriage vows is a verb not a noun – it is a promise and an obligation, not a statement about your current state of heart.

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Objection 1: It would seem that a marriage already contracted ought to be governed by a pre-nuptial contract. For the second contract does not replace the first but adds to it (Galatians 3:17). Now, the pre-nuptial contract comes before the marriage contract, since it is pre-nuptial. Therefore the obligation of the pre-nuptial contract governs the marriage.

Objection 2: An impediment disclosed and accepted by all parties at the forming of a contract cannot be contradicted by such a contract. For the contract is made freely in the light of the impediment and the plain intention is therefore to be compliant thereunto. The pre-nuptial contract has all parties in common with the marriage contract and comes before it. Therefore the obligation of the pre-nuptial contract governs the marriage.

Objection 3: The state of a man before marriage is the same as that following divorce. A man is only prevented from the division of assets with his wife for so long as they are joined. Therefore the contract formerly in force becomes again in force.

I answer that, A thing ceases to be in the power of a man from the fact that it passes into the power of another. Now, a pre-nuptial contract is in the power and possession of a man and a woman before they are wed. A man and a woman when joined in marriage are, by the work of God, no longer two but are one flesh (Matthew 19:6). Therefore the contract, its assets, and its interest pass into the power and possession of the married couple equal such that all benefits which would accrue to one party are now the possession of the couple. If it states a distribution of seven-tenths to the man and three-tens to the woman, when the two are joined as one flesh then the future asset of seven-tenths of the man and three-tens of the woman become aggregated as a promise of the whole to the one flesh. Thus, in the case of divorcement, the division is to be made in accordance to the act of the power of God in conjoining the two as one. No contract in any form whatsoever may override this for the act of joining man and wife is in the power of God and not of man.

Answer to Objection 1: The pre-nuptial contract establishes a future interest which in itself is an asset. These assets become property in common with the conjoining and so even if it is held that the contract survives yet the future interests named in the contract are no longer individual but in common to the one joined couple. Further, if it be insisted that the assets of the contract do not become common (which is by no means the case), it shall be argued: that no contract of marriage is valid if it be entered into illegally; that it is illegal to enter into a marriage without full intention to remain within it for the time the two parties remain alive; that a prenuptial agreement which does not become a common asset provides deliberately for a state of divorcement; thus that the marriage so entered into is invalid.

Answer to Objection 2: The parties of the pre-nuptial contract are not the same as the parties of the marriage. In the pre-nuptial contract are two parties; man and woman. In the marriage are three parties; man, woman and God. Thus, unless it be disclosed to God that such an impediment exists to which God has issued a dispensation exempting the couple from some part of his institution of marriage, then no impediment may be said to imply compliance.

Answer to Objection 3: A man may be set apart from his wife by divorcement but his state does not return to that which was previous to his marriage. For it is forbidden by the law of God to effect the full severance of the marriage bond (Matthew 19:6); also, for the obligation of man to his wife does not cease with divorcement (Matthew 19:9); also, for the two who were joined as one flesh even if separated remain two separated parts of one flesh and thus not the same parties as the two who were formerly joined as one flesh. Thus, the state of the latter is not the same as the former; nor is the identity of the latter the same as the former.

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Based on the writing of Veit Dietrich and John Jewel

Neither whoremongers nor adulterers shall inherit the kingdom of God.

There is a foolish pride, a wicked vice, which we have grown up with, and has been with us since our youth.

The origins of marriage, the state of matrimony, are declared to us by the word of Almighty God; who also shows us the purpose of marriage. Marriage was instituted by God so that man and woman might live together lawfully in a life-long friendly fellowship, to bring children into the world, and to avoid fornication.

By marriage, both partners are given a clear conscience, because by it they are able to restrain their own lusts by keeping themselves within the boundaries of honest marriage. God has strictly forbidden all whoredom and uncleanness, all unfaithfulness in marriage and adultery. At many times in the past, God has brought very grievous punishments to bear on those who are guilty of these lustful sins, as is well seen from the history of all past ages and generations.

Further, in marriage, God ordains the growth of the true church; for not only does God himself give children as a blessing, a gift of God, but also parents are instructed by God to then bring up their children to be godly and to have a good knowledge of the Bible. So, by marriage, the knowledge of God and true religion is passed from one generation to another, so that many might be saved and enjoy eternal life.

Thus, because marriage both avoids sin and increases the kingdom of God, all those who are married and who are to become married, must acknowledge these great benefits from God with pure an thankful minds. God has so ruled your hearts that you have not followed the example of the wicked world, those who delight in filthy sin, but rather you both stand in the fear of God, hating all filthiness. Just see the state of the world, in which so many run into terrible abominations and wicked sins without any pang of conscience. This sort of person lives so desperately and filthily, that hell itself waits for them, as St. Paul writes saying:

Neither whoremongers nor adulterers shall inherit the kingdom of God.
1 Cor 6:9-10

You have escaped this horrible judgment of God, by his mercy, if you remain faithfully together as man and wife in accordance with God’s law.

However, I don’t want you to be careless. The devil will try all kinds of things to interrupt and obstruct your hearts from a faithful course, if you give him any way to enter. The devil either try to break your marriage apart, or at the least he will try to make it difficult with many griefs, displeasures and sorrows. This is the main way he does it: by encouraging the heart of one to turn away from the other; so, where there was once pleasant and sweet love between you both, there grows bitter and unpleasant disagreement.

This same enemy of ours also attacks by means of pride. There is a foolish pride, a wicked vice, which we have grown up with, and has been with us since our youth. We have a desire to rule, to think highly of ourselves, and so we never think we should give in to another person. This wicked vice of a stubborn will and self-love is a cruel knife that attacks and cuts away the love of the heart, and will not allow for a peaceful marriage. So, married people must try very hard to agree, and must constantly pray that God will by the help of his Holy Spirit rule their hearts and tie their minds together so that they are not split apart by disagreement and argument.

Prayer is very necessary and important for married persons, and often it must be that one must pray for the other. One must pray for the other, to ask God that hate and argument might not rise between them. Yet because, so few think of such prayer, and still fewer actually do it, we see how much the devil discourages and scorns at this state. See how few marriages there are without scoldings, fighting, taunting, regrets, bitter curses, and arguments! Those who commit these things do not realise that they are obeying the instruction of the devil, who takes great delight in their behaviour. If they realised it, they would, with all their power and will, fight against these things, not only with prayer, but with all possible care to avoid them. They would not allow themselves to become angry, which stirs them up to this kind of action and the company of the devil. Once the devil has started his terrible work, if he is followed then it is the beginning of a web of all kinds of miseries and sorrows. It is a certain fact that from small beginnings in anger and temptation come divisions and hatred, by which all love will soon be destroyed.

What a terrible and sorrowful thing it is to see two people who are forced to live together by their oath before God and his joining together of them, but who are divided by bitter hatred and cannot live quietly with one another. And this, can be commonly seen everywhere.

What is the cause of such unhappy marriages? First, that they are unaware of the evil work of the devil, and so they do not pray to God for help and protection from him. Second, they do not realise how much they are helping the devil in his work, by becoming angry, and acting angrily – they shout at and threaten one another, and never give way but insist on their claimed right – time and time again, they will not give way or make peace.

So, if you want to be without this kind of misery, if you want to have a comfortable and happy marriage, learn how to pray to God that he will govern both your heart and that of your spouse by his Holy Spirit, to restrain the devil’s power, by which you may remain happy together the rest of your lives.

And if it should be that you have already fallen into the trap of the devil, if you have become engaged in unfaithfulness, hatred, argument or adultery; then do not despair. It is not too late. Although what you have done is sinful and wicked, yet God is merciful and kind to all those who turn away from their sin. God forgives those who repent and honestly try to live according to his word. If you humbly repent of your sins, then you will be forgiven, because the great punishment you deserve has already been paid for by Jesus Christ in his death on the cross.

I plead with you: do not continue in prideful or stubborn rebellion, do not give place to the devil and his foul temptations; but rather put your faith in Christ, who died for you, and as He said to the woman caught in adultery:

Go, and from now on, sin no more.
John 8:11

Based on the writing of Veit Dietrich and John Jewel

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If you know only one thing about traditional wedding vows, it’s that they asked the woman to promise obedience. In fact, so much attention is paid to those words – and whether they are included or removed – that the rest of the sentence easily gets overlooked. This is the full vow the man makes:

I N. take thee N. to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.

What is the duty of a husband to his wife?

What is the duty of a husband to his wife?

It is made up of four parts:

  • The ‘taking’ – by which the man promises to make the woman his wife (to take, to have, to hold)
  • The ‘conditions’ – the things he agrees to endure with her (the passing of time, changes for better or worse, gain or loss of financial means, improvement or loss of health)
  • The ‘manner’ – in what way he shall treat her as his wife (to love her, and to cherish her)
  • The vow or oath – the troth (by which is promised constancy), until death part them, according to God’s ordinance

This discussion will focus upon the third of these, the ‘manner’ in which the man promises to be a husband to his wife – his promise to love her, and to cherish her. By these terms we describe the day-to-day basis of marriage, the very essence of the duty of a husband to his wife. To love, and to cherish.

When we come to understanding what this actually involves, we have a great help, because both of these terms come directly from the Bible. The first step then is to look at the Bible, and see how it explains this duty of a man to his wife.

The passage of scripture which gives rise to both is from the letter of St. Paul to the Ephesians; chapter 5, verses 25 to 33. I’ve included it below for ease of reference:

25Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Love your wife

Regarding the command to a husband to love his wife, there are two specific comparisons used. First, the love of husband to wife should be “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”; and second, the love of husband to wife should be as he loves “himself”. The first of these is certainly the bigger challenge – for it throws out all concept of an equal partnership, a domestic arrangement, or give-and-take. It demands of the husband no less than the sacrifice of his life, giving himself up entirely for his wife. There are no loopholes: this is what God expects of a husband – to love his wife so much that he gives himself up for her – even as Christ gave up his life on the cross for the church. There is then no equal partnership, for the husband is not only commanded, but has promised, the very deepest self-sacrificial love for his wife – at all times, in all conditions, until death do them part.

Although the meaning of love like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her is easy to apprehend, it is perhaps not easy to understand why Christ is the basis for the husband’s love in marriage – indeed, as Paul writes in verse 32, the link between man and wife and Christ and church is a profound mystery. Easier to understand, perhaps, is the second comparison: that a husband is to love his wife as he loves himself. This is based upon the union of two into one, that being joined by God, by no means is a husband justified in loving his wife less than he loves himself.

Cherish your wife

The argument that the two become one flesh being a reason a husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself also introduces the term ‘cherish’. It pops up in verse 29, as a description of what a man does to his own body. He nourishes and cherishes his own body (again, this is compared to the way Christ nourishes and cherishes the church). So, by the vow to cherish his wife – and by the requirement of God, a husband is bound to nurture, show kindness, and deep affection to his wife – even as he does to himself.

Particularly chastised by this are husbands who would chase after their own interests, neglecting their wives. This requirement to cherish means that it is never right for a man to decide his hobbies comes first, or his friends come first, or his work comes first, or anything else come before his duty to his wife.

In Conclusion

God places upon husbands a very great obligation, and one which contradicts a lot of modern thinking. The modern wisdom that makes husband and wife interchangeable roles misses the very great duty God places upon a husband.

Notice, God does not make the love or cherishing of a husband to his wife conditional upon the action of the wife, the attitude of the wife, the means of the couple, the happiness of the marriage, the health of either, or any other factor. God requires a husband to love his wife entirely, cherishing her as he does himself, at all times and in all seasons.

When it comes down to it, a husband’s love for his wife need not be driven by emotional affection. Nor need it be driven by attraction. The love a husband is to have for his wife is required of him by God himself, uncompromisingly. Although we dearly hope that all marriages are based upon mutual affection, yet, it is important to realise that God does not base married life on continued affection but on obedience to his law. If the husband’s love is required of him by God, then he has no excuse to reduce or cease his love, if unhappily he no longer feels as happy, attracted or comfortable with his wife.

Finally, there has been a tendency for society to talk of sexual fidelity, the avoiding of adultery, between partners as the key component of marriage. It certainly is a key component of marriage, and one required by God himself; yet, as we have seen, it is by no means the only thing required by God. God does not just require a husband to avoid adultery – another key component is his demands that the husband love his wife, always, unconditionally, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

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